Your postpartum experience matters
It is the start of your new relationship with your newborn baby and with being a parent. I can honestly say that 14 years later, I still have sadness and anger surrounding the time after I gave birth. This is one reason why for my birth clients, the second birth coaching visit is mostly focused around after you give birth. I want to minimize the chances of what happened to me, happening to anyone else. So here is what I recommend to have the best postpartum experience possible –
1. Set up realistic after birth expectations for yourself and your partner
You just gave birth. Be kind to yourself and your partner. Your body just did something amazing and really hard, so take it easy! This is not, not, not the time for earning the (nonexistent) “perfect parent” award. Cleaning can wait, laundry should be in piles, no entertaining of any sort allowed. This is your time to be waited on. The only thing you need to worry about is the baby and other kids if you have them. Your partner should be focusing on you, the baby and the other kids too. Not worrying about how clean the house is. Also newborn babies cry. A lot. It is normal and does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It is also normal to be tired of it. Sometimes you will need a break. Set up someone who can take the baby for short breaks so you can have a breather.
2. Set up realistic postpartum expectations for your family and friends
Especially in America, people have this crazy idea that after you have a baby, you need to entertain. If you had your gallbladder out, no one would show up to your house and expect to be fed and waited on so I have no idea why they think after childbirth, surgical or not, that you should be entertaining. Gather your people and tell them, they can come over if they bring food and/or are ready to help out. Not hold the baby, but fold some laundry, put away some dishes, or maybe even mow the lawn. If your mother in law wants to hold the baby, fine, let her and go take a little nap while your partner hangs with her.
3. Arrange meals a head of time
When people ask what they can do, have them sign up to bring food. There are a ton of online tools to make it easy. Meal Train is one of the best known but there are others. At your baby shower you can register for gift cards to meal delivery services or to the restaurants themselves. If you have close family, ask them to make your favorite comfort foods from your childhood. Feeling loved and taken care of will help you to heal faster.
4. Arrange to have family or friends come and take your other kids out
Having someone come and hang out with my oldest so I could bond with my youngest would have been amazing. I know that grandma wants to hold the baby but having uninterrupted time with your new one, even just a couple of hours is magical. Have them take the older ones to the park, the zoo, out to eat, or even just to their house to watch a movie. There are lots of options that don’t have to cost much, if anything.
5. Consider asking for services at your baby shower instead of stuff
While we got a few cute things at our shower, we got none of what we really needed (hello cloth diapers!) and lots of things we could have gotten for free. Newborns grow out of their clothing really quickly so they are often available for cheap or free. What I wished I had asked for was a lactation consultant and a postpartum doula. You can set up a Go Fund Me or check out Be Her Village for a service biased baby shower registry.
6. Find your people
You will need parent friends. If you don’t have any, put some time in now, before baby, in to finding them. This is really important. The one thing I did right before having my first was to join two large mom’s groups in my area and start attending events. This is where I found my tribe. Moms who didn’t blink an eye when my potty training son peed on their leg, who listened to me complain and offered realistic and helpful advice, and who are still my friends today. Where do you find parents? Try Facebook, Meetup, and the newest app, Peanut. Trust me, it is worth the time and effort.
Those are my top 6 secrets for setting yourself up for postpartum success. If you are in the Tacoma area and would like to have a doula to guide you through the birth and postpartum journey, click HERE for more information. The second prenatal meeting I have with my clients is tailored to help them create a realistic postpartum plan so that they can enjoy those first weeks with their new baby.
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